is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
