i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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