Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
