that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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