so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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