Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
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