oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Randomize
