dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize