i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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