End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
