Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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