I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize