she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
