i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize