i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
