she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
