So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
