This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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