You work out of a Hotel?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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