just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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