hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize