the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
