that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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