Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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