You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he puts the penis in happiness.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
