too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
