Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
why do cheetos always look like penises
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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