We're facebook friends in real life
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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