So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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