Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I can't turn off my feet"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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