never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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