How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
