He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize