I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
