Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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