people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
