3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
