Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
