that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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