I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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