Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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