I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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