I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
