Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize