Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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