glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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