My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
