i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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