You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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