my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
