I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
