just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
