hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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