what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Welp...herpes.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
