my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize