Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
