i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
