You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Randomize
