I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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