Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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