I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
