I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
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