Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize