What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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