If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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