am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
