i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
