I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
