Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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