she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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