so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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