Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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