I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
