Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
