I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
being pregnant is like rehab
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
