sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
