Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I have post one night stand depression
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
