The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
