I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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