I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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