If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
