i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I look better un-naked...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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