nutella sex= disaster
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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