escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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