A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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