just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you would pick up someone in the library
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
