I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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