Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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