In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Randomize
