if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
