apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I want her autograph on my taint
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
