i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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