Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
