Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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