Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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