Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
