this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
