He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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