You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Randomize
