he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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