this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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