Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
