it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
