she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize