I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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