The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
How's work?
Spinning.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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