So drunk its hurt
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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