guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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