I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
